Stop looking for closure; It doesn’t exist.

Something happened to me a while ago that I needed “closure” for. I struggled so much to get it but it never happened. 

Here is a story of a hurtful experience I had and the approach I took to make sense of it all. 

The date that did not happen.

I believe most of us are familiar with the irritation you get when your flight has been delayed for hours. This was exactly how I was feeling when I entered the Abuja bound AirPeace plane months ago. As I moved towards my seat, I silently wished for a good seat partner. I was not in the best of mood and all I wanted was someone decent to sit beside me. Not a person with a toddler, not a loud person and definitely not someone old (no offense) I honestly just wanted a drama free flight. 

As fate will have it, a good-looking man who seemed to be in his early 30’s sat right next to me. The first thing I did was to scan this person. From his well-groomed nails to his height, skin etc. everything was the way I liked it. Verdict= He looked good and just right. 

To make things even better, he looked like he had money (I mean who doesn’t like money). He had designer wears on (not the brands that scream at you, the silent but heavy ones). From his glasses to his watch and to his shoes. Everything was top notch. Not only had I found myself a decent seat partner, but I had also crushed on a complete stranger within 5 minutes. 

The next thing on my mind was how to get into a conversation with this gentleman. The only issue was that I wanted to be the lady and we all know that being a lady meant waiting for the man to initiate the conversation first. Guys, after what seemed like forever and fifteen minutes before we landed at the Nnamdi Azikwe Airpoirt in Abuja, Oga turned to ask me if I was enjoying the book I was reading. 

You can imagine how blood rushed through my veins, I was very happy. I couldn’t believe this fine man was talking to me. I immediately responded and started giving him highlights of the book. (Ladies let me just drop some tips here, if you like what you see and you’re too shy to speak, let your body do the talking. Lmao. Thank me later!) 

Before I knew what was going on we had already exchanged names and talked about where I reside and why I was headed to Abuja. In the spirit of preserving a new friendship that could lead to something great (if you know what I mean) I dashed him the book I was reading. He asked for my number and I gave him my work card. He asked if I was free the next day, he wanted us to go on a lunch date to a new restaurant shaped like a cave that recently opened up in Abuja. 

Guys, I was elated. I couldn’t believe that someone I fancied in my head not only spoke to me but invited me out to lunch for the next day. Nothing seemed impossible afterwards.

The following day was a Sunday and you can imagine how loud my voice was in church, raising hallelujah to the roof. My God had finally brought my spec my way. I was looking forward to the phone call or text that will usher me into a proper talking stage with a fine man. And that’s when the wait started. Morning became noon till noon became evening and I didn’t receive a text, let a alone a call, let alone lunch at the restaurant I later found out to be called Kapadoccia (This is not a sponsored post please).

As night time came, I laid still in bed wondering what must have happened. Did he lose the card? (That was highly unlikely because I he put it in between the book I gave him) If he lost the card at least he knows where I work? Why didn’t he call? Why did he change his mind? Did he get into an accident? Guys all the queries started pouring in as I kept waiting. I had other thoughts like maybe something came up and he will call to apologise and reschedule. Ladies and gentlemen, Oga never sent a text or called.

Afterwards, I started to search for closure. The closure we all desperately need to answer the burning questions of our heart and to maybe verify that we are/were not enough, that we didn’t do what we were mean to do, that we didn’t matter much, that people chose other people or circumstances above us, that it was them not us or the explanation as to why things didn’t turn out the way we wanted. 

I texted a couple of my friends days later about what happened and they showed me the greatest support. They tried to make an excuse, but I wasn’t having it. Unfortunately, I might never come into contact with the only person who could provide that answer. Oga himself.

Here is what I did in the middle of the frenzy. I chose something many of us find difficult to do. I chose Acceptance and oh boy acceptance can hurt. Really hurt. But after a while, it no longer hurts the wound is replaced by a tiny mark that reminds you of the event every now and then.

I will never know why Oga didn’t reach out to me, there could be a thousand and one reasons, and even if we had a conversation, I can never be guaranteed of the true reason. But here’s is what I accepted; that I most likely will never get that call and that in itself without knowing the reason why is okay. 

That is how I was able to move past that phase and in turn opening myself up for sweeter and more delightful experiences of life.  

Next time you are struggling for closure, choose acceptance instead.  

P.S- I hope Oga is safe and well.

Love and Light.